Work, life and things in between – Day 74 – Low and lower!
Today is the last day of the week that was to be dedicated to writing. So far, I have only covered 15 pages of my book. My energy is as low as the sun on a late Winter afternoon.
I am no psychiatrist, but I think I may be dealing with some anxiety here. I am totally down on myself for what appears to be a lack of progress. It seems like all I do is search the Internet, wait on line, fix server connections, wait for the mail, search for undelivered packages, update documents and shop. God I hate shopping! Why is it that there is always something I need?
Tem and I have a black tie dinner next week. This is sweet except that the last time I went to such a dinner it was summer, so the dress won’t work. Then the time before that I was still slim and slender…so these dresses won’t work either! (Why I keep them in a box under my bed with hope that they will fit me one day? No idea!).
I hit the stores with as much enthusiasm and energy as one can display on her way to the dentist. And then it got worst. It would appear that I am still suffering from a severe case of illusion when it comes to sizing a dress that fits me.
Nothing fits. Actually whatever fits does not suit me! After a few hours of this and in a totally depressed, exhausted and vindicated state of mind, I turned around to go home. Would Lulu lemon stretch pants be an acceptable alternative I was wondering?
Then, something caught my eye in a display window. I entered the store and before I knew it the sales lady had been so skillful and patient in helping me make a selection that she had actually sold me a nice dress, which I might add suited me very well. My self-esteem shot right back up and my mood went in the same direction.
A very quick recovery that was!
Almost immediately I felt guilty for feeling so bad over such trivial stuff. I know I can hold my own in a crowd, meaning I can still catch some looks but I am just nostalgic of how I used to look and how easy it was to look that way. I am equally upset at the fact that it all changed on me only because I turned 50. It’s not like I went out on a binge every night…
I liked it much better when how I looked depended on what I ate, how much exercise I crammed into my schedule and how many hours of sleep I got. These days none of that makes any difference anymore.
But it is all trivial stuff. I know. In the end, the answer is on the magnet on my fridge where I am reminded every day that : Age gets better with wine!
There you go, there is always help somewhere! To day 75.