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    Gisele is a Certified Executive Coach working with leaders seeking to enhance their leadership presence. See her profile.

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    Work, life and things in between – Day 9: Status: Unemployed!!

    There is an executive forum group I belong to here in Vancouver and today is our first meeting of this season.  I joined them as I was this global HR Executive.  Now, I am no longer employed. I am not sure how this will go.  Walking into that meeting unemployed  feels like this dream where  you get on the bus and realize you have no clothes on…and hope that nobody will notice.

    Not too sure why that is. We just don’t seem to be in the same places.

    However, as the work environment is so troubled these days, I am not the first one to be formerly employed.

    I am actually happy to have an opportunity to dress up, work with a schedule and review the agenda. Old habits die hard!

    On my way to the meeting I stop to renew my home insurance.  As I stand there completing the forms, I come across a novelty.

    They are asking for my business address.  Freeze. Unthinkable that I would say that I am not working.  I feel the need to explain;
    – I work from home, but I was in Florida, now I am back , but I am no longer working…but..

    The clerk looks at me with a blank stare;

    –     just your address, he says.

    Of course.  He does not care.  He just wants me to fill in the blanks.  I could write my dentist’s
    address for all he cares.  Get over it.  This feels like the first time someone calls home for your husband after he took off with his new found love….why you don’t think of just saying “he no longer lives here” is beyond me today but at the time, this seemed insurmountable.

    At the meeting I feel odd among this working crowd.  I hear talks of deadlines, lack of time,conflicts, etc.  and an overwhelming feeling of nausea hits me.  I blame this on being jet lagged but I know better.  As of now, I don’t ever want to re-enter that world. Maybe this will change, but today it is very clear.

    I guess this could be considered “normal” on day 2 of what is intended to be at least a four month sabbatical?

    All kinds of guilt feelings enter my mind. Then fear creeps in.   Will I think this way for the rest of my life? If I don’t want to dwell in this environment anymore then surely this means I will end up on social welfare.

    Of course, I am an all or nothing person.  There is abundance and then there is scarcity. The place in between is never  familiar ground for me.   O the dangerous pit of always/never…as if there was nothing in between.  Been there long stretches at a time!

    I share my awkwardness with them.  My mood swings between wanting to pursue a successful career and the desire to grow a garden and look at the sunset, day in and day out.  I don’t seem to have anywhere to go in between.

    Their words are comforting.  Mostly, the message: Take this as a gift and let it come to you. Give
    yourself time.  I like this!

    On the way home, I stop at Capers to buy dinner.  Another old habit to deal with:  Depend on take out for meals. I swear one day I will pick up cooking again.

    I’ll deal with this one later! Tomorrow is another day.

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